25 August—On the subject of political zingers, here’s a small but statistically valid representative sample excreted by idiots on both cheeks of the political spectrum, Republicans slanted to the right, of course:

“I will be phenomenal to the women. I mean, I want to help women.”—Donald Trump

“Don’t fear the terrorists. They’re mothers and fathers.”—Rosie O’Donnell

“I talk to those who’ve lost their lives, and they have that sense of duty and mission.”—Jeff Sessions

“There is no terrorist threat. Yes, there have been horrific acts of terrorism and, yes, there will be acts of terrorism again. But that doesn’t mean that there’s some kind of massive terrorist threat.”—Michael Moore

“If I were to lose my mind right now and pick one of you [fifth-graders] up and bash your head against the floor and kill you, would that be right?”—Alan Keyes [three-time GOP POTUS non-candidate]

“The conventional viewpoint says we need a jobs program and we need to cut welfare. Just the opposite! We need more welfare and fewer jobs.”—Jerry Brown

“The Antichrist is probably a Jew alive in Israel today.”—Pat Robertson

“Eight more days and I can start telling the truth again.”—Christopher Dodd

“Isn’t that the ultimate homeland security, standing up and defending marriage?”—Rick Santorum

“If you take out the killings, Washington actually has a very low crime rate.”—Marion Barry.

“It is a better and more important story than losing a couple of soldiers every day.”—George Nethercutt [former GOP congressman from Washington]

“Isn’t it a little racist to call it Black Friday?”—Joy Behar

“How many Palestinians were on those airplanes on September 9^th? None.”—Dan Quayle

“African Americans watch the same news at night that ordinary Americans do.”—Willy Clinton

“It’s the most difficult [decision] I’ve made in my entire life, except the one I made in 1978 when I decided to get a bikini wax.”—Arnold Schwarzenegger [announcing his candidacy for Flake State governor]

“A zebra does not change its spots.”—Albert Gore Jr.

“You know, we all have our inner demons. I, for one—I can’t speak for you, but “I’m on the verge of moral collapse at any time. It can happen by the end of the show.”—Glenn Beck

“Every month that we do not have an economic recovery package 500 million Americans lose their jobs.”—Nancy Pelosi

“Grown men should not be having sex with prostitutes unless they are married to them.”—Jerry Falwell

You cannot go to a 7-Eleven or a Dunkin’ Donuts unless you have a slight Indian accent.”—Joe Biden

“When I see a 9/11 victim family on television, or whatever, I’m just like, ‘Oh, shut up.’ I’m so sick of them because they’re always complaining.”—Glenn Beck

“The number one job facing the middle class. And it happens to be, as Barack says, a three-letter word: Jobs. J-O-B-S.”—Joe Biden