4 November—Donald Trump has magnanimously declared at least once that he’d accept the outcome of tomorrow’s election if the results were “fair and free.” He’s never added “gladly,” though. Gov. Ned Lamont astutely observed yesterday that Trump’s definition of fair and free depends on if he wins.

As if to drive that home, the Orange Messiah yesterday actually admitted to a crowd of his gullible cultists in Pennsylvania that he had made a mistake in leaving the White House after losing the 2020 election: “I shouldn’t have left. I mean, honestly, because we did so, we did so well.” Precisely what Trump meant is open to question because, like virtually everything he says, it was so vague.

It’s not unlikely that Trump was hinting he should have broken the law because it wasn’t the law according to Trump. And, like everything he says, the idiots just ate it up.

Anyway, to make sure he doesn’t make an equally embarrassing mistake after losing the 2024 election, Trump’s black shirts, brown shirts, and storm troopers have already begun to attack the Democrats and other anti-Trumpers for stealing it. Here, then, according to the Trump strategists and other yes men (and yes women, to be fair and politically correct; but probably not yes transgender people), are a few of the only plausible reasons their exalted leader (we hesitate to call him der Führer, of course) will have lost tomorrow’s election. And they all boil down to the election not being fair and free:

⚫The polling places will be manned by anti-Trump people who will allow unqualified voters to cast ballots. The unqualified voters will include but not be limited to noncitizens and illegal immigrants.

🔴Republican poll watchers will be kept from doing their jobs by all manner of insidious Democratic diversionary tactics and even intimidation and force. (But outside of big cities, the Republicans tend to be the bullies at polling places.)

🟢Democrats will harvest absentee ballots. (Actually, there’s something to this one, as we’ve seen in Bridgeport. And ballot drop-boxes just exacerbate the potential for fraud.)

🟤Voting machines will be rigged and hacked. (Who hasn’t thought about this? It must be easier to hack digital machines than to rig electromechanical machines. And it’s pretty easy to stuff ballot boxes for any candidate or reason.)

🟡Dead people will vote. (But why shouldn’t dead Republicans vote as well as dead Democrats?)

🟣Trump’s criminal prosecutions are just election interference. (Including but not limited to the those for election interference.)

🟠The weather will favor Harris. (Meteorologist Marjorie Taylor Greene is an expert on this.)

🧻The question, then, is what will Trump’s black shirts, brown shirts, and storm troopers do to make sure their Führer gets elected in a fair and free election?