17 March—Surprise! Incredible as it may seem, Donald Trump is lying. Again. Still. Or—more incredible—maybe not.

Yesterday, the Scumbag-in-Chief of the United States crowed first to his hand-picked Kennedy Center board of flunkies (who were unanimously approving his stratagem to close the formerly highly respected national cultural institution for two years to obfuscate the fact that no respectable performers will perform there as long as Trump is ruining [sic] the show) and then to the press that he had spoken with one of his Oval Office predecessors, who told him he wished that he, the former president, had been the one to bomb Iran.

SICOTUS told the press, “I spoke to one of the former presidents who I actually like. I actually speak to some.” And, according to Trump, the former president lamented, “‘I wish I did what you did.’” Trump naturally refused to specify the former president he actually likes: “I don’t want to say because a member of a party, a member of a party, they have Trump derangement syndrome, but it’s somebody that happens to like me, and I like that person, who’s a smart person . . . [but] I don’t want to get him into trouble.”

Trump actually likes a former president? And a former president actually likes Trump? Really and truly? Sure. But this is St. Patrick’s Day, not April Fool’s Day.

Anyway, Trump did volunteer that the former president who wished he’d bombed Iran isn’t George W. Bush. That’s good because, even though Bush 43 did in fact consider bombing Iran’s nuclear facilities, an aide insists that he and SICOTUS “haven’t been in touch.”

Trump refused to confirm or deny that the regretful non-bomber was Willy Clinton. That’s good because an aide to Slick Willy insists it wasn’t he. (That’s not to say that Trump and Clinton weren’t comparing notes on predatory sex and reminiscing about Jeffrey Epstein.)

Aides to Barack Obama and Joe Biden also insist that their bosses aren’t Trump’s would-like-to-have-been Iran bombers.

On the other hand, let’s give Trump the benefit of the doubt. Can it be possible that among his gifts is necromancy, communication with the dead? True, he tends to boast about gifts he doesn’t have. But for political reasons Trump could be keeping his necromancing ability in the closet.

So there are three dead—and therefore former—presidents who might—perhaps even may—have wanted to bomb Iran: Jimmy Carter, Ronald Reagan, and George H.W. Bush. Carter is the prime suspect, of course, since Ayatollah Khomeini’s violent takeover of Iran and ensuing theocratic dictatorship and 444-day holding of American hostages may well have cost him a second term as POTUS. But good Christian that he was, he bore no grudges and got neither mad nor even. And why should he be any different in death? So that lets him out.

President George H.W. Bush was too busy illegally kidnapping Manuel Noriega from Panama (providing precedent for Trump’s illegal kidnapping of Nicolás Maduro from Venezuela) and protecting other—i.e., Arab—oil-rich Gulf states from Saddam Hussein to worry about Iran. So that lets him out.

But in 1985 President Ronald Reagan did actually authorize bombing of Iran in circumstances that, fortunately, didn’t come to pass, of which then-Veep Bush said, “I think the American people would be very supportive.” Then, in 1988, after an Iranian mine severely damaged the guided missile frigate USS Samuel B. Roberts, Reagan ordered Operation Praying Mantis, in which the U.S. Navy sank several Iranian warships in the Persian Gulf. And of course there’s the Iran-Contra Affair, which really, really embarrassed Reagan—as well it should have.

So could Donald Trump have been communing with the spirit of Ronald Reagan, who or which wishes he or it had bombed Iran? Or is the former president who wishes he had bombed Iran just another delusion, actually another symptom of Trump’s dangerous instability and senility?