26 September—I am White with a capital W. But I am not Caucasian. When questionnaires ask whether I’m White/Caucasian or something else, I never answer because it’s none of their business.

People we once were allowed to call Indians because Columbus was a lousy navigator now must be called Native Americans. Similarly, I don’t want to be called Caucasian because some delusional eighteenth-century German historians thought the human species originated in the Caucasus Mountains.

The Caucasus region, between the Black Sea and the Caspian Sea, comprises Armenia, Azerbaijan, Georgia, parts of Southern Russia; and three disputed breakaway territories, Nagorny-Karabakh, Abkhazia, and South Ossetia. As far as I know, none of my ancestors came from any of those places.

Why did the alleged scholars think that Homo sapiens sprung out of the Caucasus? Simple. Because the Caucasus was—and for many still is—the place where Noah’s Ark was supposed to have landed after the great flood; and humanity, as we all know, is descended from Noah because the Bible tells us so.

So give me a break. And don’t call me Caucasian . . .