27 September—Boy oh boy, golly gee, and wow! The greatest movie ever made will be shown on Turner Classic Movies tonight. For the umpteenth time.

In case you didn’t know it, the greatest movie ever made is “Citizen Kane.” And if you really believe that “Citizen Kane” is the greatest movie ever made, you probably also believe that Santa Claus actually likes children and that human beings can put a stop to global warming by taxing carbon dioxide and stifling cow farts.

I can’t remember specifics of the first time I sat through “Citizen Kane,” which had been released in movie houses a year before I was born, but it must have been when the film was on a pre-cable broadcast channel when I was living in New York. A grown-up fellow editor had told me it was the greatest movie ever made and I looked forward to a really enjoyable and uplifting experience.

What I got was two hours of tedium. Boredom. Ennui. I probably looked forward to the commercial breaks. The movie had everything but everything going for it, writing, cast, direction, especially Orson Welles and Everett Sloane. And the William Randolph Hearst story, to boot. So why didn’t I appreciate the synergy?

“Citizen Kane” didn’t rub me the wrong way, to be sure. It didn’t rub me at all. It was just two hours of blah and more blah.

After I moved up to Litchfield and matured somewhat—at least in years—I gave “Citizen Kane” another chance when it was on whatever cable or left-wing (i.e., public TV) channel. Nope. I think I fell asleep that time, with one of my Scotties in my lap. I doubt it was my wife.

I know great movies when I see them. Believe me. Most of the Mel Brooks oeuvre, of course. (“Oeuvre” proves I know how to be a critic; “interesting” is another critic’s word I use strategically.) “Casablanca” and “The Third Man” come immediately to mind as great movies.

But not “Citizen Kane” . . .