26 November—This morning I rescued a little slug who must have been wondering how to get off the front steps, back down to the lawn he/she had strayed from during last night’s rain. Slugs are hermaphrodites, with both male and female reproductive organs that produce both sperm and eggs. Hence the he/she pronoun.

Slugs can self-fertilize to propagate the species and do so when no mates are available. That’s called selfing. (For some reason, taking a selfie isn’t called selfing. Why not?) Slugs also can masturbate, of course, since they’re known to experience intense satisfaction, particularly from eating and sexual stimulation.

So Donald Trump fancies himself as the President of Peace. He brags that he has “ended eight wars in just eight months.” Of course, in that boast (as well as most others) he’s as full of shit as he is of himself. Six of one, as they say. In all events, Trump desperately needs to be awarded the Nobel Peace Prize to maintain his narcissistic self-esteem.

And since Trump is a vindictive, power-crazed, thin-skinned despot, if he doesn’t get the Nobel he and his fan club reckon he so richly deserves, he’ll declare war on Norway. Wait and see. Well, not war exactly, since the Constitution vests the power to declare war solely in Congress. For all the Constitution is worth these days, to be sure. But he and his idiotic power-crazed warlord will trump up some patently lame excuse to murder and otherwise wreak havoc on innocent Norwegians. And innocent Swedes while they’re at it.

On the subject of murder, this is the bottom half of a Sportsman’s Warehouse ad that arrived in today’s email. Even considering that Sportsman’s Warehouse customers these days tend to be hunters and other murderers who like to pass themselves off as sportsmen, captioning a picture of what appears to be a sniper team—shooter and spotter—aiming for the kill “ADVENTURE Like a local” is at the very least rather disturbing. Think about it.

Locals taking out neighbors indeed. Is that what America is coming to under Donald Trump?