2 June—SCOOP AND FLASH: The Borough of Litchfield annual budget meeting was called to order at 5:45 yesterday, alacritously passed the 2023-2024 budget, and adjourned in six minutes. Had an Historic District Commission officer not asked a question, we could have done it in three minutes. Well, four minutes, anyway.

With Ned Lamont and his power-crazed cronies in Hartford overriding the federal and state constitutions in order to ban what they claim is gun violence but is really gun ownership, I was thrilled to receive an email this morning from National Rifle Association Executive Vice President Wayne LaPierre telling me a “special honor” is waiting for me because “you’ve stood by NRA through some of the biggest, most vicious attacks on the Second Amendment we’ve ever witnessed and you’ve NEVER wavered.”

“No matter what gun banners have thrown at us,” Wayne writes, right on point, “you’ve stood shoulder-to-shoulder with us to man the front lines for freedom.” By gun banners, presumably Wayne means people who want to ban guns, rather than flags or other vexillological accoutrements.

That’s absolutely true, even in the face of repeated attacks by El Liberalissimo and a dear lady friend, both of whom should know better. Others I simply ignore.

For that reason, Wayne tells me, he submitted my name to the NRA Honors Committee for membership in the Golden Eagles and to receive one of its highest honors, The NRA National Patriot’s Medal.

Is that an honor or what? “The National Patriot’s Medal,” EVP LaPierre explains, “is one of NRA’s most time-honored awards—originally commissioned to recognize Charlton Heston’s steadfast leadership when he served as President of our Association.”

I hate to be a bloody-minded party pooper (yeah, right), but the late President Heston served from 1998 to 2003, so how time-honored could the NRA’s National Patriot’s Medal be only two decades later?

And the NRA has other time-honored awards?

On the other hand, lest I doubt the National Patriot’s Medal’s prestigious honorificence, Wayne assures me, “This medal is awarded neither casually nor widely. But it’s an honor you truly deserve, and I am proud to present it to you.” It certainly is an honor to be honored.

“NRA’s Golden Eagles are among my closest friends and advisors,” Wayne confides. “I know I can count on them because they—like you—have never let me down. They are the ones who stand by my side and help me build a better and stronger NRA.”

What a guy Wayne LaPierre is. He admits when he’s needy. And he insists that he’s never needed my leadership—his word—more than now. My leadership? I’m blushing. And incredulous.

To drive home how great I am and how exclusive the Golden Eagles are, Wayne reminds me that “only a very small handful of NRA members will ever share the distinction of Golden Eagles membership.” Wow! I’ve never belonged to an exclusive club.

Well, maybe one, the Charon Club. Truth be told, I never applied for membership and hadn’t even known it existed. But a few days after I had ignominiously poled myself off a punt into the Cherwell some 55 years ago, I found in my college pigeon hole an unmarked envelope containing a necktie embroidered with a pole sticking out of the water. The porter told me what it was but couldn’t or simply wouldn’t give me details. But he also condoled (or congratulated?) me on being bitten by a swan on Mesopotamia after getting dunked.

The friends I was punting assured me they hadn’t told a soul of my embarrassment. Could the mute swan have squealed?

Back to the present, then, I read on, expecting to find a personal invitation to the Golden Eagles investiture in Washington. But all I discovered was the reason only a very small handful of NRA members will ever have the distinction of Golden Eagles membership: Dues are $250 a year. Dues? Unthinkable. Do war heroes pay dues? (But it costs $75,000 for a star on the Hollywood Walk of fame.)

So it turns out that Wayne LaPierre just wants my money. I feel for him, I really do. And I support the NRA as an ardent defender of the Second Amendment as well as a Benefactor Member. That’s as high as you can get without belonging to Sam Colt’s or Bill Ruger’s family. Yet all Wayne LaPierre wants is more of my money. How bathetic and pathetic.

And, come to think of it, why does Wayne assume that I’m a patriot just because I support the Constitution?