27 March—The good news is that after Elon Musk had won a reversal of a defamation suit against him (which was meritless anyway) in a Texas appellate court last week, just yesterday a federal judge in the Lone Star State threw out a suit filed by his X Corp against advertisers—including Abbott, CVS, Lego, Mars, Nestlé, Shell, and Tyson—alleged by X to have conspired to boycott the social medium that used to be called Twitter.

The judge found there was no evidence of conspiracy, no boycott, no antitrust violation in the 2024 mass exodus of advertisers that allegedly cost X billions of dollars in revenue and must therefore have been purely coincidental.

It must be noted that Elon Musk has been pretty—but not entirely—successful in venue shopping, since both state and federal courts in Texas have served his interests alarmingly and disgustingly well. It must also be noted that who the hell pays any attention to advertising on social media, websites, or anywhere else? And, just for the fun of it, it will be noted that Musk’s net worth as of today is estimated to be close to $850 billion.

(Grownups will remember that the celebrated skinflint Jean Paul Getty—who had a pay phone in his UK mansion for the use of guests—was considered the world’s richest man at the time of his death in 1976, with a net worth of only $6 billion, equivalent to a mere $35 billion today.)

The bad news, then, naturally takes us to Donald Trump, who probably jerks off at the thought of Musk’s and Getty’s wealth, since his own wealth today is estimated at a paltry $6.5 billion, much—or most—of which comes from his brazen, illegal, self-dealing use of the presidency. Trump conspicuously goes to unreasonable, usually unlawful lengths to fabricate an impressive legacy: his name on everything, monuments to himself, blah blah blah.

Narcissist that he is, Trump is too impressed with himself to realize that despite his self-gratification he’ll go down in history as what he really is: not a successful businessman (because he never was one), nothing but a grifter and a bully—and even ignoring his total lack of honesty, principle, and moral fiber, the most incompetent president the United States has ever suffered.

And now Trump’s Sharpie signature, if not his legible name, will be on paper money as he continues to fabricate his disgraceful legacy by forcing it on U.S. currency, replacing the U.S. Treasurer’s and dwarfing the Secretary of the Treasury’s. Unfortunately, it’s one of the few not-illegal things Trump will have done as SICOTUS.

A president’s signature has never before been on U.S. paper money (or any other money). Nor indeed has any monarch nor dictator, including Trump’s idols, pals, and lover, had his signature on paper currency. Here’s the Treasury Department’s typically obsequious, stercoraceous press release, verbatim:

March 26, 2026

“WASHINGTON – In honor of the 250th anniversary of the United States of America, President Donald J. Trump’s signature will appear on future U.S. paper currency along with the Secretary of the Treasury, marking the first time in history for a sitting [or even dead] president.

“Under President Trump’s leadership, we are on a path toward unprecedented economic growth, lasting dollar dominance, and fiscal strength and stability,” said Secretary of the Treasury Scott Bessent. “There is no more powerful way to recognize the historic achievements of our great country and President Donald J. Trump than U.S dollar bills bearing his name, and it is only appropriate that this historic currency be issued at the Semiquincentennial.”

“As the 250th anniversary of our great nation approaches, American currency will continue to stand as a symbol of prosperity, strength, and the unshakable spirit of the American people under President Trump’s leadership,” said Treasurer Brandon Beach. “The President’s mark on history as the architect of America’s Golden Age economic revival is undeniable. Printing his signature on the American currency is not only appropriate, but also well deserved.”

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Makes you want to puke . . .