26 August—The non-news today concerns—wait for it—Donald Trump. Specifically, it’s about the notorious Trump Derangement Syndrome. It’s common knowledge that Trump is deranged. And his niece, a clinical psychologist, says that anyone who listens to him also is deranged. So it looks like we’ll be putting up with wide-spread TDS during Trump’s reign of terror.

It’s also common knowledge that Trump desperately wants the Nobel Peace Prize. That’s in equal part because of the million dollars that goes with it and because his elephantine ego needs constant reassurance and fortification. He fantasized (because we know he never lies) to the press just a week ago that “I’ve ended six wars… all of these deals I made without even the mention of the word ‘ceasefire’.” What a guy! The next day he raised the number to seven.

And if “pre-wars” are included, the “peacemaker-in-chief” (as his flunkies have dubbed Trump for the occasion) has “settled” ten whatever-you-want-to-call-thems. The flunkies stress that “it’s well past time” for their perfect pacific paragon to get the Nobel Peace Prize. Sure it is.

In all events, it’s unlikely Trump will be awarded the Nobel Peace Prize for a number of very good reasons. One is that he simply doesn’t deserve it. (But neither did Barack Obama and Albert Gore Jr.) Another is that at least three of the five members of the Norwegian Nobel Committee have publicly condemned him for things like “dismantling American democracy, and . . . doing everything he can to tear down the liberal and rules-based world order”; causing “the erosion of freedom of expression even in democratic nations”; and “putting millions of lives at risk” by banning U.S. foreign aid for international abortion services.

On the other hand, why not award the Nobel Peace Prize—any peace prize, in fact—to a clearly deranged, truly tyrannical, belligerent despot who just the other day announced that he intends to rename the Department of Defense the Department of War?

Trump’s flunkies are mum on what he’ll do if he doesn’t get the Nobel Peace Prize, by the way. But we can imagine. How about 200-percent tariffs on Norwegian imports?