22 May—Yesterday was a most auspicious sabbath, especially if you don’t take sabbaths seriously. The Hustler zero-turn was able to mow the whole meadow without getting stuck in the mud that returned with the last rain and was nurtured by Catholic and Protestant holy-water runoff. That’s a double blessing I’d rather do without.

I’m no longer a tofu virgin. To celebrate the sabbath, I finally used the tofu I got as a “Free Day” promo at Stop & Shop a few months ago. (The local S&S didn’t have the promo item in stock, so the manager substituted. As usual.) I made totally vegetarian or vegan kneidlach—matzo balls to the uninitiated—using the freebie tofu, homemade matzo meal, olive oil instead of schmaltz, and flaxseed instead of eggs. In vegetable broth, of course. My kneidlach didn’t really need the tofu enhancement, but what else could I do with the stuff?

I expect to return to tofu celibacy.

More important, I freed two little Black ants that were trying desperately to escape through a closed window. Couldn’t they tell that glass was in their way? I’d never before seen ants jump. Maybe two inches. Only to slide down the glass. But the little buggers kept trying. So I reckoned they deserved a hand.

But it just occurs to me. Two ants. Maybe they were actually having a high-jump contest. I’ll never know.

Most important, I rescued an earthworm from being fried on the pavement. This annelid was lucky. Why do any of them wriggle and squirm out of comfortable, temperate soil and grass onto hot pavement. Is it the mortido instinct or just simple stupidity?

Can the horny worms be looking for mates? That’ll do it. Libido, mortido, what’s the difference? On blacktop? You’d think they’d have better luck on or under a lawn. But since their brains aren’t particularly well developed, earthworms don’t have the capacity to know what’s good for them. Like too many people.

You were no doubt expecting a Trump-supporter allusion. Sorry to disappoint you. But it’s obvious.

It seems that even though worms are hermaphrodites with male and female reproductive organs, they can’t do it themselves. When they do the annelidan rumpy pumpy, two individuals—or perhaps more in a threesome, gang-bang, or daisy chain—will exchange sperm and fertilize each other’s eggs through the appropriate genital pores. (Worms don’t have sex organs as we like to think of them.) And the coition is normally accomplished underground, where the loveworms are less vulnerable to hungry or jealous predators. So maybe worms do know what’s good for them, after all. Unlike too many people.

But worms don’t masturbate . . .