14 November—COP26 has finally concluded and is leaving Glasgow with little more than the unmistakable redolence of methane and the detritus of the horde of climate change activists. And lots of bills.

Without doubt, the most newsworthy event at the United Nations’ latest wasted, counterproductive effort at positive publicity was when the 78-year-old President of the United States, Joe Biden, allegedly entertained the 74-year-old Princess of Wales, Camilla Parker Bowles Windsor, with a virtuoso flatulent performance described by HRH as “long and impossible to ignore.” Evidently, Camilla hasn’t stopped talking about it.

Camilla, of course, supposedly being a lady before she started screwing around with heir apparent Prince Charles—who at the time was married, however unhappily, to Diana Spencer—would never fart, even when by herself. Nor, it must be said, should Camilla have carried on about POTUS’ embarrassing public flatulence, if indeed it happened. It showed her to be totally devoid of tact and grace. But, then, she is a royal, after all, if only by injection.

Horses in the Royal Mews are not allowed to eat or drink before performances, lest they embarrass their riders—which, happily, they sometimes do anyway. The Duchess of Cornwall—one of Camilla’s many other titles by marriage—probably has a cork stuck up her own stuck-up arse [that’s a British ass], along with a hot poker, to preempt her public flatulence. They should put one in her mouth, too. Two orifices, same discharge.

This was intended to be a short digression, but my utter disdain for the House of Saxe-Coburg and Gotha, which changed its name to the House of Windsor during World War I, got the better of me. No apologies.

My utter disdain for COP26 tomorrow . . .