12 November—Remember Pol Pot, the late Cambodian dictator? Well, forget him, because today’s disquisition is about Pot Pong. Remember Thursday’s disquisition, “Keeping Litchfield pot-pong-free”? Don’t forget that, because it has brought forth a totally unsolicited freshet of fragrant comment on both sides of the pot-pong issue.

I’ve distilled the essences of what I’ll call the aromatic and stinker factions for the edification of readers, while maintaining the anonymity of the contributors. As you’ll recall, due to my unworldly innocence, I have no idea what marijuana smells like, so I can easily and honestly maintain total objectivity. I’ve edited the representative comments only to correct spelling (but not smelling) errors and conceal the writers’ identities:

First comment: “I find the smell quite appealing, have smoked daily for more than a half century, not because I have to but because I like it. As to growing at home, I haven’t done that since college days when I brought a small plant to my father as a Father’s Day gift, and he immediately took the plant I had nursed through its infancy to his trash burner, lest the house suddenly catch fire and the fire dept catch his illegal ‘crop,’ and the newspapers report, ‘Famed ********* caught with pot.’ Oh well. In his defense, a junior partner in the firm had already seen such news reports when his son was arrested for possession. Please don’t report me.”

Editor’s note: This most moving, heartfelt, lyrical love song—a paean to pot— suggests one question: How did the unfortunate marijuana plant smell in the trash burner? Isn’t that all that matters?

Second comment: “Did you ever get skunked, Mordecai? Pot smells like skunk juice. Only loose cow shit smells worse. It stinks and I feel sorry for anyone who thinks it doesn’t.”

Editor’s note: I myself have never got skunked (in the physical sense), but I am none the less well acquainted with the unpleasant olfactory sensation of skunk spray and bovine excrement—through intimate involvement in politics, among other things. On the other hand, there’s the salutary aroma of horseshit.

Third comment: “I have heard that weed smokers believe that weed smells good. Perhaps you need to diversify your sources. Hope you are well!”

Editor’s note: People who purport to have heard whatever it may be usually have actual first-hand experience but prefer not to admit it. In all events, my sources are truly diverse and I think I am well. All things considered. Thank you.

Fourth comment: “A couple of years ago I got new neighbors next door, elderly to be exact. I suspected they were cooking road kill because terrible scents came from their apartment. Sort of smelled liked skunk. Skunk smell I knew.

“Anyway, months later I was out in front visiting with some other neighbors and there was that smell again, I said innocently, oh my gosh there must be a skunk around, although it did smell like my neighbor’s cooking. They kind of giggled. I knew something was up and I suspected pot, so I googled ‘does pot smell like skunk?’ Yes it does, Google informed me!

“My neighbors I am sure were not smoking pot for medical reasons, they were just low class scum!!!! They have moved out, thankfully.”

Editor’s note: Wow! If Google says it, you know it’s true. But couldn’t the neighbors have been harboring an actual four-legged or two-legged skunk anyway?

Fifth comment: “Think funk, not skunk.”

Editor’s note: Skunks are really rather cute.

Editor’s objective conclusion: Have you ever heard of stink badgers?