17 November—I first subscribed to Consumer Reports, the publication of Consumers Union, some six decades ago; and I read it religiously. When I lived in the UK, I subscribed to Which?, the publication of the Consumers’ Association; and I read it religiously.

When I came back to the United States, a regular roll of Charmin (the only size available at the time) contained 650 sheets. Now that’s the sheet count of one of Procter & Gamble’s Charmin super-size rolls. You’ve got to hand it to P&G and their ad agency.

I fully expect to see a Charmin roll contain one sheet in the very near future. And a Charmin nine-sheet lifetime roll. I’ll leave it at that. Charmin’s ever-shrinking toilet roll speaks more highly than any other toilet paper for bidets. And when you consider that orthographically bidet is only one letter away from our saintly president’s name, how can you resist the temptation to switch? (Orthoepically, of course, bidet is closer to the French composer who died at 36 and also to the French psychologist who came up with a silly intelligence test.)

I digress, but I don’t recall Consumer Reports ever dealing with shrinking toilet rolls. Last year, I let my subscription to Consumer Reports lapse. Not because of some problems I may have with its politics, nor even with some of its rating policies, like downgrading cars because their running lights can be turned off too easily. I’m understanding and forgiving.

Consumer Reports simply became too glitzy, needlessly strong on graphics and with-it language, uncomfortably weak and far too lacking on product reviews. The selection and scope of products in any given categories are too limited to be of use. The revised magazine simply isn’t worth reading, let alone paying for. For me, anyway.

Adding insult to injury for subscribers (who are eo ipso members of the technically nonprofit Consumers Union, now called Consumer Reports, Inc.), in order to get a lot of what used to be included in the pedestrian magazine of the ancien régime, now they’re forced to buy an extra online subscription in order to read lots of what used to be right in front of them on paper.

I expressed my dissatisfaction with Consumer Reports’ nouveau régime on a couple of occasions. Never received even the courtesy of acknowledgements, let alone replies. And the only comments the magazine actually publishes are invariably positive. No surprise there. Because everybody loves it. Right?

A couple of months ago, Consumer Reports, Inc. asked me to give the magazine another chance by taking out a short freebie test subscription. No risk, nothing to lose. Didn’t even ask for my credit card information. So why not? I’ll report on it . . .