15 December—Good morning, Mr. and Mrs. America and all the ships at sea. Let’s go to press. This is the news, and this is The Litchfield Monitor posting it.

Here’s a partial listing of the world’s press agencies and wire services (in no particular order): Agence France-Presse, Associated Press, Reuters, Albanian telegraphic agency, Islamic Republic News Agency, Press Trust of India, Xinhua News Agency, Austria Press Agency, Bahrain news agency, Korea Newswire, Bulgarian News Agency, Central News Agency, Inter Press Service, Bloomberg News, Anadolou Agency, United Press International, Agence Kampuchea press, BBC, Agencia EFE, The Canadian Press, TASS, Tasnim news agency, Hindustan Samachar, Cyprus News Agency, Agencia Guatemalteca de Noticias, Jewish Telegraphic Agency, Deutsche Presse-Agentur, Algemeen Nederlands Persbureau, Agenzia Nazionale Stampa Associata, Fourth Estate Public Benefit Corporation, BNO News.

And there are more, though you wouldn’t think there were more than a few from the spotty, parochial, purposefully moderated (i.e., censored and invariably selective), and in all events lousy coverage all the broadcast, internet, and print media give the news.

Anyway, in an extraordinary and unprecedented cooperative endeavor to spread the good news over the troubled planet, all—every single one—of the world’s credited and unaccredited press agencies and wire services have joined to report the momentous decision made last night at the Litchfield Intermediate School.

As proudly proclaimed by Region 20 Superintendent Chrisopher Leone after the closely watched vote count, 157 people voted for Lakeview High School and 132 people voted for Western Hills High School. No voter fraud is suspected (but that doesn’t mean there wasn’t any) and Superintendent Leone thanked the 157+132=289 people who (incredibly) took the trouble to participate in the democratic process, many of whom must have had fond memories of the Lakeview Motel and Amatorium.

The Monitor has nothing further to report this morning. So that’s the way it is and good morning and good luck. Okay, we owe thanks to Walter Winchell, Alvar Lidell, Edward R. Murrow, and Walter Cronkite. And Murrow was born Egbert Roscoe Murrow.

And Jerry Mahoney was Paul Winchell’s ligneous pal, not Walter’s . . .