4 April—Just about every week for a couple of years, I’ve been receiving solicitations and reminders from the Mohegan Sun casino in Uncasville—addressed to someone else with or at the PO box I’ve been paying through the nose for over almost a half century. Being a good citizen, with the intention of having the mail redirected to the intended addressee, and not wanting the poor Mohegans to waste money, I naturally asked the crew at the post orifice whether the addressee’s name meant anything to them. It didn’t. So I continue to get the accidental mail.

And I’m glad I do. Make that thrilled. Because the Mohegan Sun mailing in my box last week was special. Make that extra special with whipped cream and cherries. For it seems that I—or the intended addressee with the unintended address—“have reached a whole new level of momentum.”

I hadn’t been aware that momentum—a concept in physics referring, in simple terms, to the impetus gained by a moving object—had anything to do with gambling. But what do I know about the intricacies of gambling? Or gaming, as lots of gamblers, casinos, and politicians like to call gambling. No matter, because, thanks to the new level of momentum I had reached, now I “can expect the premium access and personal service [I] deserve for being among [Mohegan Sun’s] most prominent players.”

And the thoughtful Mohegans even sent a credit card—or some sort of plastic card that expires 9/30/22—to prove it. Wow! Now’s the time for full disclosure. I’ve never but never been to Mohegan Sun nor to any casino or gambling club, even for the food or the entertainment, which is why lots of people insist they go to casinos. I didn’t even drop in at the casino in Monte Carlo that everybody is supposed to visit when in Monaco.

Were I to take advantage of the “Ignite Momentum” benefits (or the “Momentum Ignite Benefits,” as the folder reads), I could, among other things, “Earn and Redeem Momentum Dollars, Earn Status Points, Earn Personal Achievement Awards, Earn Momentum Achievement Awards.” The concept of personal achievement awards at a casino is intriguing.

More important, I could get “Special Rates, Experiences & More.” Special experiences? More? And most important, I could get “Reserved Parking in Indian Summer Garage” and “Complimentary Hotel Room in Earth & Sky Towers (based on play).” Indian Summer Garage? Earth & Sky Towers? Ya gotta love the indigenous nomenclature.

If the intended addressee with the unintended address hasn’t been getting his promos and gambling his life away, I’m doing him a favor, so I’ve never bothered to correct the casino. And reading the promos is so stimulating.

Incidentally, the blurb that welcomes the presumably frequent gambler or gamer to privileged Momentum Ignite status explains: “Favoring collaboration with European settlers, Sachem Uncas led a group of followers to start a new tribe. Ignite refers to the formation of the Mohegan Tribe, which kindled a rich history and continues to move forward with strong Momentum. This same Momentum energizes our Ignite players to experience the best of Mohegan Sun.” Come again?

Was the capital-crazy copywriter who came up with that crap partaking of too much fire water?