21 December—New Zealand is a bunch of islands in the middle of nowhere. There are two big islands and about 700 little ones. Auckland is its biggest city, with a population of about 1.5 million. Wellington, its capital, has a population of about 500,000 and is just over 9,000 miles away from Litchfield, with a population of about 8,000. Wellington is just under 11,700 miles from London, Great Britain’s capital, and almost 1,500 miles from Canberra, Australia’s capital—which is also in the middle of nowhere.

New Zealand is home to kiwis the birds and Kiwis the people. And, thanks to legislation passed last Tuesday by the Kiwi Parliament in Wellington, as of next year, Kiwis born on or after 1 January 2009 will not be allowed to smoke tobacco. They’re not supposed to smoke marijuana now, but they do anyway.

The ludicrous new law will put 90 percent of tobacco retailers out of business and violations will be punishable by humongous fines of up to 150,000 Kiwi dollars, about 96,000 real dollars.

The novel idea is to raise New Zealand’s smoking age year by year until it applies to the whole (surviving) population. Thus, Kiwis born through 23:59:59 on 31 December 2008 will be allowed to buy and smoke tobacco products. In 2023, however, Kiwis under 15 won’t be able to buy cigarettes for the rest of their lives. By 2060, 50-year-olds will be too young to buy cigarettes. Imagine being carded at 50.

Kiwis can’t fly, by the way.

A reduction in nicotine content in permissible tobacco products is also mandated. But vaping will continue to be permitted. Awfully decent of Big Kiwi Brother. Until he changes his mind. No idea how tourists will be treated.

New Zealand has been more aggressive in killing (rather than merely discouraging) smoking even than Connecticut. A pack of cigarettes in Auckland, for instance, costs about 20 real dollars, compared to Connecticut’s mere 11-plus dollars, almost half of which is tax to help fund this state’s massively profligate irresponsibility.

Back in 1876, New Zealand’s Old Government Building (OGB) in Wellington was said to be the first building in the world to ban smoking. But that was because it was said to be the second largest wooden building in the world and Big Kiwi Brother had legitimate concerns about the threat of fire. OGB is still standing.

Concerns about health are all well and good. Laudable, in fact. But Big Kiwi Brother has gone too far. If people want to kill themselves by smoking, they should be educated but allowed to make their own choices. Even the proponents of the latest draconian legislation admit that it will encourage and enrich black marketeers and other criminals. But that’s not to say Big Yankee Brother won’t follow suit . . .