19 June—There’s something extra special to celebrate today. If you’re a local, state, or federal government employee, anyway. It’s Juneteenth and because of whatever happened on Juneteenth, whenever and wherever it may have happened, you’ve got yet another day off. You’ve also got great pay, extraordinary benefits, as well as better job security than employees in the private sector.

Juneteenth is on the list of federal and state holidays that shouldn’t be observed by shutting down operations for no good reason. Like all the holidays.

Truth be told, nothing of importance is known to have happened on Juneteenth, even in Galveston, Texas, where a Union general is said to have delivered Lincoln’s Emancipation Proclamation two-and-a-half years after Lincoln proclaimed it. That was before texting, of course, but the telegraph lines were up. A news reader on left-wing radio misinformed listeners this morning that Juneteenth marked the end of slavery, even though that didn’t actually happen till the 13^th Amendment was ratified the following December. And there are questions about that, too. But I mustn’t digress.

Because in honor of Juneteenth, The Litchfield Monitor is holding a contest. Just like last year’s but 365 days closer to the present, more contemporary, and just plain better. Everybody is eligible to enter. Nah, that’s not good enough. Everybody is invited to enter. Even that’s not good enough. Everybody is beseeched to enter. You don’t have to be a current, past, or future reader. You can even be illiterate. Well, maybe semi-literate.

Enter the contest (ir)regardless of your political, religious, sexual, or chromatic persuasion or affiliation. Unlike in the non-Monitor world, you don’t even have to be woke. So tell your friends, enemies, total strangers, whomever the hell you please. The Monitor’s contest wants you. And you. And you—whatever personal pronoun you identify with. The Monitor doesn’t discriminate. Or give a damn, frankly.

The marvelous prize is a free lifetime subscription to LitchfieldMonitor.com. Guaranteed. Like it or not. The lifetime is The Monitor’s or the winner’s, depending on who goes first. There’s absolutely no limit to the number of entries accepted or prizes to be awarded. Guaranteed. And there’s no entry fee. Guaranteed. So what are you waiting for? But you’d better hurry, because the contest closes when it closes.

And who knows if there’ll be another year? Anywhere.

Now for the contest. After reading it carefully, just answer this pretty easy question: In the name of the holiday being observed today, what syllable is missing from between June and teenth? Hint: It’s four letters. Further hint: It’s a number. Another hint: The number is odd. Okay, but this is absolutely the last hint: The number is between six and ten. The last hint is more focused than it was year because nobody—not one damn contestant—has been able to get it.

What other explanation could there be for not a single solution having been received by The Monitor to date? I mean, come on people. The Monitor’s remaining staff have taken pains to frame the question at an IQ level comfortable, convenient, and accceptable to you know whom. And other whoms as well.

So email as many entries as you possibly can or as suit your fancy to Editor@LitchfieldMonitor.com. You have everything to gain and nothing to lose except time and patience. But I must warn you, the editor’s decision is final . . .