21 May—So our friends in Iran are blaming (or implicitly crediting) the United States for the deaths of President Ebrahim Raisi, Foreign Minister Hossein Amir-Abdollahian, and six others in yesterday’s fog-related crash of a Bell 212 helicopter. That’s because, according to former Foreign Minister Javad Zarif, the nasty infidel U.S. “embargoed the sale of aircraft and aviation parts to Iran and does not allow the people of Iran to enjoy good aviation facilities.” Well, all things considered, whose fault is that?

For the record, the Bell Huey that crashed is estimated to be (or have been) at least 45 years old and Iran bought it used (or pre-owned) from another constituent or affiliate member of the Axis of Evil in the early part of this century. Or stole it from whomever. And if Iran was able to get its dirty hands on a contraband helicopter, you’d reckon it could also scrounge contraband spare parts for it by hook or by crook.

In all events, it’s refreshing and gratifying to be able to report that our government is doing something right.

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Now to the important news: speed bumps or humps in Litchfield. Two speed bumps or humps were installed on the very short commercial stretch of West Street south of the Green late last summer to slow traffic. Something certainly is needed to slow traffic in town—not just on West Street; and an extra resident trooper or three isn’t the answer. The bumps or humps have been successful, by the way.

But now consider the dreaded annual Litchfield Hills Road Race, which starts on the very part of West Street that’s been humped. This year it’s on 9 June. Well, the people who run it—in the sense of both managing and participating—are worried that the stampede of starting runners won’t be able to see the bumps or humps and will trip over one or both, as well as one another.

Imagine the chaos and mass injuries. And liability suits. An ambulance chaser’s wet dream. So the race people want the speed bumps or humps pulled up for just a few hours to accommodate the racers and deprive the shysters of ill-got contingency fees. The speed bumps or humps were in fact pulled up to accommodate snow plows last year. So why not for the runners this year?

Two reasons: first, the speed bumps or humps are or were pulled up for the winter so that they wouldn’t be damaged and ultimately destroyed by snow plows; second, every time they’re pulled up and fastened down again (with 18-inch spikes) the hard-rubber speed bumps or humps and the black-top road itself suffer some unavoidable damage. In fact, town authorities are seriously considering leaving the speed bumps or humps on West Street in the winter come what may. (And then, one hopes, installing speed cameras to catch irresponsible drivers in the act.)

Selectman Jodiann Tenney, who’s largely responsible for the speed bumps or humps in the first place, suggested that the mass of runners be diverted away from them. Easy to say. Two problems with that, though: first, bottlenecks at the diversions; second, curbs. Still an ambulance chaser’s wet dream.

But there are three possible and eminently feasible solutions. The good solution is to start the race somewhere other than West Street. The better solution is to bump the race out of Litchfield. (It is the Litchfield Hills Road Race, after all.)

The best solution is to dump the race completely, to let it die an honorable death. What started in 1977 as a pleasant, friendly, strictly local event has metastasized into a ridiculous inconvenience that pays celebrity runners appearance fees and does nothing at all for the benefit of Litchfield residents or businesses. In fact, although they’re generally reluctant to speak up, West Street merchants would like to see the Litchfield Hills Road Race run out of town . . .