16 December—If you have any doubt that Donald Trump is a modern populist—a true man of the people—consider that people who know such things say that he’s medically obese, just like 40 percent of Americans. But you must also keep in mind that it’s not his fault, but rather the fault of the food he eats. In other words, blame his diet. So, you may wonder, just what is Donald Trump’s diet? Is it really just food or is it ambrosia—the food of the Greek gods or perhaps the heavily sweetened fruit salad?

It’s no secret that Trump prefers fast food and even wanted to have McDonald’s fare served at a state dinner. Nothing wrong with that, to be sure. Good for taxpayers—even though we pay for a full-time White House kitchen staff including five chefs—and probably more likely to be appreciated by dinner guests than most of the lavish food usually served at state and other fancy dinners. The McDonald’s state nosh-up never happened, we’re told.

During Trump’s first term, it’s reported that he’d sequester himself away from Melania and the Secret Service to pig out on hamburgers. Okay. But was it really necessary to lock himself away to eat the food he wanted? He was the president, after all. Presumably he still does it.

A rationale for Trump’s preference for fast food is that the meals are safer—less likely to be poisoned by a kitchen staffer who doesn’t like him—because they’re prepared in advance and in quantity. Hasn’t he heard about food tasters? It’s not unlikely that other heads of state, dictators, and celebrities of all sorts use them. Because even the paranoid can be poisoned. But how can anybody not like Donald Trump?

Trump calls himself a germophobe and thinks fast-food restaurants are cleaner than slow-food restaurants. He may have a point there.

The once and future president appears to be especially fond of McDonald’s Quarter Pounders. (That’s only four ounces, but a quarter-pound sounds a lot bigger.) He also likes overcooked steak slathered in ketchup, but with no “garbage,” meaning garnish, relish, or vegetables. A favorite Trump meal may include but not be limited to a crabmeat cocktail followed by meatloaf (to his Scottish mother’s recipe), with potatoes and gravy. Then there’s the vanilla ice cream, cake, and cookies. You can never go wrong with vanilla.

Or Trump might down two Big Macs, two Filet-O-Fish sandwiches, a bucket of KFC fried chicken, and a chocolate malt. Probably not all at once. Or possibly all at once. And he’s not likely to refuse just about any fast food, especially burgers, fried chicken, and pizza. Oreos are a frequent snack of his, as are Vienna fingers and pretzels.

Has he ever tried veggie burgers or cultivated/cultured meat products? He’d be surprised how good they taste. So would you.

Don’t think that Donald Trump isn’t conscious of his . . . uh . . . diet? . . . weight? . . . waistline? . . . health? Because he eats pizza with a knife and fork to scrape off the toppings and leave the fattening dough on the plate. One wonders what low-calorie goodies top Trump pizzas.

Trump famously doesn’t drink alcohol, tea, or coffee. But he gets his caffeine buzz from a dozen Diet Cokes a day, assuming they’re not the caffeine-free variety. Combined with the way he eats pizza, that must be why he’s able to maintain his svelte physique.

It’s been said that there are four major food groups in Donald Trump’s dietary regimen: McDonald’s, Kentucky Fried Chicken, pizza, and Diet Coke. Further comment would be superfluous . . .