THE WANKERS AT BTINTERNET DID IT AGAIN YESTERDAY: “YOUR MESSAGE LOOKS LIKE SPAM OR HAS BEEN REPORTED AS SPAM.”

3 March—I had to pull the plug on old faithful BWR yesterday, just about a month away from the poor old thing’s 27^th birthday. It was very easy but quite painful. The easy part was actually pulling the plug. I just pulled the plug. The painful part is the aftermath.

BWR is The Hovel’s senior Bose Wave Radio. When I got back from Torrington yesterday and reflexively switched it on, all that came out of the two overrated and overpriced speakers was deafening static. Nothing I did could bring in a station or reduce the volume. Talk about a death rattle. And nothing but pulling the plug could shut the bloody thing up.

Cutting to the chase, since the Bose website didn’t recognize the poor old radio’s serial number for me to diagnose the multi-system breakdown, I was forced to phone customer service. After no wait to speak of (surprisingly), a nice girl called Sheila or Sheela offered to help me. I couldn’t quite place her accent to a specific part of Bangalore, but I’m not at all fluent in Kannada, so it’s good that she spoke English.

Reading from her screen, Sheila or Sheela was able to tell me that my radio was a “legacy product” and beyond salvation. RIP, BWR. I kind of expected that. But it was none the less painful to actually be told. The pain was paying for BWR’s replacement. $499 plus tax was a daunting and depressing prospect. Even with free shipping.

Bose Wave Radios—Wave music systems, as they’re called now—cost too goddamn much and don’t really sound that great. But for various reasons of fit and convenience, as well as their not having pain-in-the-ass external transformers, they’re preferable to other radios with remote controls that don’t sound any better and are cheaper but don’t fit where the Bose radios do.

Before I started sobbing, Sheila or Sheela, obviously sensing my incipient depression, asked me if I’d like a new replacement for my legacy product. It would cost me only $299. Plus tax, of course, for a total of $317.99. (That could probably even bring young apoplectic Senator John Fetterman out of his depression. Can he be in an induced coma as I type?)

The latest model, brand new, not refurbished? I asked. The latest, brand new Wave music system IV, Sheila or Sheela assured me. So let’s do it, I responded enthusiastically. All I’d have to do is send Bose the poor old BWR at their expense. Nothing to lose. Except $317.99.

Then, suffice to say, it’s good that Sheila or Sheela and I knew the phonetic alphabet—Alpha, Bravo, Charlie, Delta, etc.

And, since the late founder of Bose Corporation was an American Indian and MIT (where he was a professor) gets most of the profit, I can actually feel like I’m doing a good deed . . .