29 May—Seventy-three years ago today Edmund Hillary and Tenzing Norgay were the first climbers confirmed to have reached the summit of Mount Everest. Since 1953, so many people—close to 8,000 at this writing—have made so many summit ascents—close to 14,000—that the Nepal Department of Transportation (NepDOT) is going to install traffic lights.

Moving down, then, “Pressure” is a new flick about how meaty urologists (commonly called weathermen) saved D-Day. For the Allies, of course. Forget about the details. Just know that the dreaded Motion Picture Association (MPA), best known for administering a meddlesome voluntary system for film ratings that’s supposed to guide solicitous parents on arbitrary and rather ridiculous age-appropriateness of movies and suitability for children, has rated the film PG-13. Because it contains war violence, bloody images, some “strong” language, and—worst of all—smoking. For shame!

The U.S. Supreme Court and Federal Communications Commission have pretty consistently maintained that obscenity—which at best is a matter of opinion, even given Justice Potter Stewart’s famous assertion that he knew obscenity when it saw it—trumps the First Amendment. That’s why, for instance, even commonly used allegedly dirty words are bleeped and certain body parts obscured in over-the-air television broadcasts. That’s one of the things the nanny state is about, after all.

With MPA age-appropriateness ratings, even though little darlings witness (and may even experience) violence and hear (and even hurl) expletives from the crib, they’re not supposed to experience any of that nasty stuff on the screen. So in real terms the MPA ratings have been little more than a joke from the get-go.

But throwing smoking into the PG-13 dungeon? Well, the ludicrous rationale there is that the omniscient Classification and Rating Administration (CARA) considers tobacco use to be a major public health issue. Just like cancer, among other issues, which is also an excuse for some PG-13s.

The Classification and Rating Administration, by the way, despite being an administration isn’t a government agency, although you never know. It is in fact the very division of the omnipotent Motion Picture Association that issues the stupid ratings. And these are they, from good to better, with CARA’s rationale:

G—General Audience: All ages admitted. Contains no content that parents would find offensive for younger children.

PG—Parental Guidance Suggested: Some material may not be suitable for children. Parents are urged to exercise caution and investigate the film’s content before taking younger children.

PG-13—Parents Strongly Cautioned: Some material may be inappropriate for children under 13. Parents are urged to be cautious, as the film may contain stronger content.

R—Restricted: Children under 17 require an accompanying parent or adult guardian. The film contains strong adult themes, language, violence, or sexual content.

NC-17—No One 17 and Under Admitted: Clearly adult in nature. The content is considered patently too mature for children 17 and under.

If you’re wondering about the beloved X rating, stop wondering. It was discontinued by the MPA in 1990 and replaced with NC-17. And that was because the MPA had failed to trademark the X. No that it would have been easy or indeed that it could have been done, as Elon Musk has been learning. So X is used by anyone at all to sell dirty movies and by Elon Musk to gratify himself . . .