18 February—With all the angst and headaches being spawned by politics at all levels—and everything else when you think about it—some stress relief certainly would be appreciated. And our good friends at Hammacher Schlemmer once again have come to the rescue.

So here’s the miraculous Stress Relieving Full Head Massager. Strangely, even though there are other stress-relieving full-head massagers of various types on the market, Hammacher doesn’t call theirs The Best Stress Relieving Full Head Massager. (Like the HS product, however, none of the others uses hyphens, by the way.)

Hammacher’s miracle “targets the scalp, temples, brow ridge, and neck using acupressure and vibration massage. It has 10 fingertip-shaped nodes (with four inner nodes) that provide five massage functions at different intervals to replicate the sensation of a professional masseuse. The head stimulation can help provide multiple benefits including reducing tension, alleviating headaches, and promoting relaxation.”

Presumably HS considers a masseuse preferable to a masseur in the circumstance. But wow anyway! And—double wow!—note the hyphen in “fingertip-shaped.”)

In all events, it’s like putting a tame (and hopefully friendly) super-giant tarantula with two extra shaved legs on your head. Or the skeleton of a yarmulke.

The few published reviews of the marvelous massager from verified buyers say it all: 1. “Now and then to unwind.” 2. “It’s a feel good experience.” 3. “My wife loves it. She uses it to relax at night watching TV.” 4. “Remarkable design and structure. My men’s hat size is 7 1/2, so a little small for me. Vibrating function is good but alterative [sic] intensity switch is too small and near inoperable. User guide is farsically [sic] too small and almost unreadable. Picture of device is too small, too dark and undiscernable [sic]. Frustratingly useless.”

And the best: 5. “Don’t buy this product, supposed to massage your head, it’s more irritating than anything else.”