15 August—Forget about Donald Trump and his dick-tator pal Vladimir Putrid conspiring in Alaska to screw Volodymyr Zelenskyy. And the rest of the world, for all we know. Because the big news today is that it’s the feast of the Assumption of the Virgin Mary, celebrated by many Christian sects, including (of course) but not limited to Roman Catholics. For those few readers who need reminding, the Virgin Mary was Jesus Christ’s mother, a.k.a. the immaculate Mother of God. And don’t forget that she was immaculate not because she was a virgin, but because she had been conceived without original sin.

Although the circumstances of Mary’s conception—whether she was free of original sin when conceived apocryphally by St. Joachim and St. Anne—were hotly debated by mediaeval theologians, the Immaculate Conception didn’t in fact become a dogma of the Roman Catholic Church until 1854, when Pope Pius IX declared it thus in his famous bull Ineffabilis Deus (Ineffable God).

On the other hand, the Council of Trent in the mid-16th century had affirmed—albeit non-dogmatically—that Mary was free from personal (as opposed to original) sin. She was a virgin, after all. At least until after Jesus was born. Because, according to Mark and Matthew, for two, after Joshua (Jesus) was born, St. Joseph and St. Mary had four sons (James, Joseph [a.k.a. Joses, rather than Joseph Jr.], Simon, and Judas) as well as unspecified daughters. Not really fair to the girls. But Mary, being married, was legally, technically, and probably theologically free of personal sin for her whole life. So don’t worry.

On the other hand, some Christian traditions believe that Mary remained a virgin and didn’t have any kids after Jesus. Not that the little Jewish prince was a handful, to be sure.

Getting back to the Assumption of the Virgin Mary, then, it’s the belief that she was taken body and soul into heavenly glory at the end of her earthly life, as it is said. It’s a Holy Day of Obligation for Catholics. But it was only as recently as 1950 that it became a dogma of faith (as opposed to a dogma of the church, which we won’t go into, so relax) when Pope Pius XII proclaimed in Munificentissimus Deus (Most Bountiful God), “We pronounce, declare and define it to be a divinely revealed dogma that the immaculate Mother of God, the ever Virgin Mary, having completed the course of her earthly life, was assumed body and soul to heavenly glory.” That was in Latin, of course, in case you’re wondering.

Religions would be so dull without human input . . .