5 August—On the subject of slow news season/silly season, this morning’s Hearst Republican-American actually has a by-lined story on page 5—surprisingly not on the front page over the fold—headlined “$25,000 a year for life CT lottery prize won this weekend remains unclaimed.” The story makes it clear that the prize in the Lucky for Life lottery “as of Monday morning remains unclaimed.”

Given Hearst Connecticut Media’s inconveniently early deadline (thanks to the necessity of shlepping actual hard-copy newspapers to their respective distribution points from a printing facility in far afield Albany), it was entirely possible that the prize had been claimed later on Monday. But according to unimpeachable non-Hearst internet sources the prize hasn’t in fact been claimed as of 11:30 a.m. Tuesday, The Monitor’s post time today.

The winning ticket was sold at a place delightfully called “Dont Quit Smoke Waterbury Corp” in—you guessed it—Waterbury. Well, not quite and almost. Diligent investigation reveals that while Don’t Quit Smoke Waterbury Corp (with the apostrophe, notwithstanding its absence in the HRA story, which is likely based on a Connecticut Lottery Corporation release) is indeed registered with the Secretary of the State at the address on Lakewood Road (Waterbury’s Rodeo Drive), the actual establishment is identified in Google Earth pictures by two signs as “VAPE & SMOKE VAPORIZERS—E-LIQUIDS & MORE.”

The HRA story laments that the person who won $25,000 a year for life, alas and alack, didn’t have the Lucky Ball number but doesn’t tell us what he, she, it, or they would have won with a cooperative Lucky Ball. So more diligent investigation reveals that the $25,000 annuity is only the second prize, the first prize being $1,000 a day for life (i.e., $365,000 a year)—to the ultra lucky person who matches the numbers on the Lucky Ball in addition to five white balls. Alas and alack indeed. And it’s good to know.

The lump-sum payments also are good to know: $390,000 without the Lucky Ball, $5,750,000 with the Lucky Ball. Before taxes, of course.

Is not claiming a lottery prize without delay really news? What’s the rush? It’s only been a few days, after all. Give the poor winner a break. Even in slow news season—which this season certainly is not. But it’s the Hearst Republican-American.

Apropos nothing, by the way, remember when vaporizers were those ghastly machines that generated malodorous steam intended to clear our little stuffed noses but only while we hovered over them under towels?