23 September—Leaves had started falling early this year, even before fall fell yesterday. The autumnal equinox occurred precisely at 8:43:33 AM EDT. (Well, give or take a millisecond.) And the good news is, just as fall fell, a fantastic windfall befell The Litchfield Monitor. If we act fast. Read the incredible email yourself, reproduced here unedited:

To: Undisclosed recipients:;;

09/22/24 08:44AM

Attention,

This is to inform you that the diplomatic agent Mr.Ibrahim Idewu has been in the airport with your consignment valued $7.4 Million, to avoid shipping to the wrong person, kindly re-confirm your information,

1) Your Full Name==========

2) Your Residential Address=======

3)Your Postal Address===========

4) Your Phone and Fax Number=======

5)Your Email address============

6)Your Occupation=============

7)Your Official Age============

8)Your Photograph============

9)Your Country===============

10}Your Nearest Airport ===============

As soon as you re-confirm the above information to Mr.Ibrahim Idewu to his E-mail; ( mr.ibrahimidewu@aol.com ) or text to him at (+1) 2093893582, he will proceed with the delivery, your delivery number: XANBF208817. Remember the delivery master is scheduled to complete the delivery within 48 hours and return back.

Your swift response is needed,
Best regards,
Mr.Uba Williams

We wonder what the seven-figure consignment could possibly be. Why couldn’t Mr. Uba Williams have been at least a little more specific? In all events, we hope it’s not contraband and will be easy to fence. And who are the other undisclosed recipients who clearly would love to do us out of our richly deserved windfall?

If the diplomatic agent Mr. Ibrahim Idewu, who for all we know may also be the delivery master, has been waiting at the airport, we sincerely hope he’s been comfortable. More important, we hope he can receive our email on whatever device he may have with him at the anonymous airport.

Without further delay, then, here goes . . .