20 May—HBO will be showing a special about George Carlin over the weekend. Reminds me of the only time I’ve actually gone to the trouble and expense of attending a live performance of a stand-up comedian. It was over 20 years ago when Carlin came up to to do his thing at the Warner in Torrington. Come to think of it, that’s the last time I attended anything at the Warner. Nothing against the Warner, mind you. I just hate crowds. And spending money.

But George Carlin was worth suffering the crowd and paying for two tickets at the front of the house. Not that I hadn’t followed him on cable as well as over-the-air TV. In fact, even had I not seen and heard him on whatever uncensored cable channels played his act, his brilliant observations and delivery on network programs would have drawn me to the Warner anyway.

Most halfway decent comics are pretty good observers of whatever they focus their schticks on and joke or simply comment about. George Carlin was a particularly keen observer and insightful commentator. That he was able to get people to laugh at his monologues—his commentary and his delivery—attests to his brilliance, as well as the humor that’s in everything. If you know where to look. And Carlin certainly knew where to look. Everywhere.

Carlin’s understanding, appreciation, and use of the English language was worthy of Chaucer, Shakespeare, Milton, Pope, and Twain. I attended the Warner performance with a woman of foreign birth—okay, an Israeli girl—who, while she was fluent in English, wasn’t that well acquainted with its beautiful and pregnant nuances. Kind of like half the audience. Pity they missed so much.

But nobody at the Warner missed what George Carlin will be remembered for: his Seven Dirty Words That Can Never Be Said on Television. Or radio. In the United States. Cable television was being gestated when Carlin compiled his magnificent seven, taking it up when Lenny Bruce, another brilliant observer, died. I suspect that the number of Carlin’s unutterable words wasn’t arbitrary, George having been raised a good Catholic.

Think of Jesus’ Seven Last Words from the Cross, condensed here for convenience: Forgiveness, Salvation, Relationship, Abandonment, Distress, Triumph, Reunion. Try to remember them. George’s Seven Dirty Words: Shit, Piss, Fuck, Cunt, Cocksucker, Motherfucker, Tits. Easy to remember.

Carlin’s earthy vocabulary led to the notorious FCC v. Pacifica Foundation case in 1978 in which the Supreme Court affirmed the government’s power to censor indecent material on the public airwaves. It was a 5-4 decision with the majority assholes—Stevens, Burger, Blackmun, Rehnquist, and Powell—doing convenient end-runs around the First Amendment, while Stewart, Brennan, White, and Marshall in the minority stood up for the Constitution.

I suspect that George Carlin had carefully considered his seven words for social and vocalic impact and their order for delivery. Even 50 years ago there were birds known as tits, for instance, including the great tit (Parus major) and the blue tit (Cyanistes caeruleus). And even though Walter Cronkhite and Chet Huntley couldn’t say them on the air back then, these days “piss” and “shit” are not unknown in broadcast media—without fear of punishment. Of course, all sorts of shit is uttered regularly by just about everybody, especially salesmen, politicians, and lawyers.

Carlin chose and delivered the naughty words in the order he did and they’re remembered in precisely that order (by those of us who remember anything) because the lexical septet scans perfectly for the purpose and the vowels are perfectly paired, as in a line of verse. Brilliant mnemonic device besides everything else. Try changing the order of the words and you’ll see what I mean.

It has to be “shit-piss-fuck-cunt-cocksucker-motherfucker-tits.” Nothing else will do.

Did I just parse George Carlin’s Seven Dirty Words? Shame on me. He deserves better . . .